I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
