I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
