I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
