I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
