I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize