After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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