walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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