6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
