I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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