What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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