i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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