i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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