Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
