So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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