you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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