She is in my trunk
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
