I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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