i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
