before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
