As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
