Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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