With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
as a side note pls kill me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
