Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
