i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
