she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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