Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
