I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize