First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
