I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
