The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
