Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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