Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
