Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
