My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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