so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
