you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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