I have demons in me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
