sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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