So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
