Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
