being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
