Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
