i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
