just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
