evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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