only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
