I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize