I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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