So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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