Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
