We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
