one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
