His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
