Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
