I wish I could teleport
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
