at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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