I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
