im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
