So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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