Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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