eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
