it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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