Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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