This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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