Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
