i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
