your thong is hanging out like whoa
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
