party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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