one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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