I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
