my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize