Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just want to make out with him forever
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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